Hoping to go work soon~

Was back from dinner at Eugene's place. His mom's chicken wings are nice. Yum... Taste like how mum used to cook.

Went home at 11pm because got curfew lor... at age 28... still?

Came home and asked mum if she wanna take some of my cough syrup, because I think it'd helped her sleep better.

Right now, my motto in life is... do what I feel is good and not what is acceptable to other people, because it's so hard to please people, if I please them, I know they'd expect more and I will feel sad again because it's not what I wanna do in the first place.

But then again, the bible says something like we should love our neighbour even though if we don't feel like it...something on that line. Because it's easy to do something which we are willing and to do something which we are not willing is difficult. Hm... still tackling that.

Read about Shin Na's story in the papers today. And explained it in mandrain to mummy. To tell her she's not the only cancer patient in Singapore. And also explained to her that there's this 45 years old lady who is diagnosed with last stage breast cancer and she is living her life to the fullest by doing the things she loved, like dancing. When I shared that with mum, she said, at least she still got strength to dance but me? I don't even have the strength to walk around. I think she missed the early morning walk in Portsdown with the aunties. The plucking of wild flowers and the wild edible fruits. Somehow I missed that too...

Moving here to Bishan....
Eugene was happy that I moved here away from the unhappy place. But somehow in me, I do not feel the ultimate peace in my heart that this is the "freedom" place. Thinking about it, I think I have more freedom back in the old home besides the constants nagging as compared to here.

Life has changed ever since mum is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Everyone's life has changed, not just for me...said Eugene. To focus on other people first then.. me. Is kinda hard. Because... I will start wondering..what about me? If people wants me to think of their feelings, then can someone think of mine too? I know it's just not all about me me me... But will you be happy if someone keep saying that you are dumb? Is that a better word than stoopid? Why won't my nieces show respect to me? Because my sisters didn't teach them about respect? Becasue they themselves talk in that manner, so of cos the daughters will learn from their mothers.

Lord.. I want to learn from you and not from my earthly parents or sisters. Because what they are teaching is laws and more laws. The untruths. I want to follow your truths and you said you will give me rest and quality sleep. So give me that so I will not wake up in the middle of the night to check if there are cockroaches crawling into our room. I don't wanna freak out as and when again. I want all these dirty little pests out of this house!! In Jesus Name!!! And also the sickness and pain and cancer that is depriving my mum of her joy!!!!