For 9 years, finally I felt that I HATE my job! Why? Because the pain in my back, lying in bed all day on a weekend, and have no mood to do any other things, has left me thinking, is it time to GO?
All these months of excessive flying is draining me of my strength, made Ginger moody, left so little time spent with Eugene. When is this going to end? I still have exactly 1 more year to go from Oct.
Why do I love flying? It's not that I have a passion for it or something but the shopping in NY, the cheap buys I can get. And I just dropped my last Amsterdam flight because I can barely get out of bed with the throbbing back pain, especially the lower back.
I lie on the floor, kicked my legs and cried like a little kid. Not that I am in such pain( I have quite a high pain tolerance.) I am whining, because I just DO NOT want to get called up again in a single standby, (was called up for 3 times in a row in a month). I DO NOT want to go to work! Doing the same thing again and again, that hurts my back, hurts my lower back, left me in bed in PAIN (keyword). I simply just want OUT!
Maybe at this moment, GOD is looking down and thinking what a child I am? Eugene says he feels hurt seeing me acting like that. I am like super duper burn burn burn out! I wanted to shout on the streets, I hate the Japanese! I hate the passengers! Maybe I want to be like another Steven Slater: whom first PA-ed that he had enough of the rude passengers and opened the emergency exit, slide out with his baggage and not forgetting a can of beer. If I am pushed to THAT extreme end, maybe I might behave like that. Am looking forward to this day?
The freak out periods... The "waiting to die" periods... made me thinking, is it really time to say Sayonara? $25k is the factor that keeps me here still. What is $11k and how do I endure that last freaking 13months?
Is money all important? I truly will MISS the shopping in states. But all this will ends next year. And it's time to plan....
All these aside...
Anyway... my greatest fear of going to work has turned to "I can see the sunshine" after I was given another 4 days of MC. And sleeping in till after noooonnn, sleeping at home when it normally rains around the timing when Eugene is going to work, I am contented.
You should see the look on my face when I got the 4 days MC, and as I walked out of the clinic, I really see sunshine. There's this happy feeling that I can't explain. It's just a calm, happy, delightful feeling, or rather a relief that I will not have to "wait to die" for the next 4 days? I am one HAPPY goon!!!
I can sing! I am back! I am @#$%-ing HAPPY! Just like that! Have never "geng" MC. I did it! 4 days are no joke. I thank God, I thank the Dr Goh, who believed me and that I am almost on the breek of breaking down if I am not exempted from work for the next 4days till my flight on the 25th (which will be Pay day).
I tell myself, I want to make full use of all these days. :)
