Jesus..what is this?

Really LOrd, how how how?

Why can't I just relax and enjoy myself? Relek lah~ (OK, peace on the boat) a reminder, you are sleeping peacefully despite the stormy sea.

I guess it shall be great? Watching fireworks on the floating marina bay? Hm...sounds sweet. But if he can read my mind, then I will know that it's from you? If by what I say he do, then it's not from you~

Are you telling me LOrd, watch and see? Patience.... .... peace.... and joy~

Is blogging more important than Assignments?

My answer will be YES, because I need to record this down in order to remind me myself that GOD has always been by my side.

I am looking forward..erm...ok la, looking forward to watch this fireworks by the bay~

Now then I remembered, I prayed a prayer, or was it just a casual prayer (remark). I told Kris that I don't wanna be hurt anymore, so Lord, if it's not shut the door, lock it, hammered it with lots of nails and planks and remove that door in Jesus name. Oh well, my casual prayer was... I hope to find someone whom I will not have a crush on, and it'd be him liking me first, so I don't have to make the first move. I think I told Kris this about maybe a week ago?

Hm... thinking about it now, it seems really weird. Do God just make it happen? Or was my prayer just in time for this 'thing' to happen?

I can only say this is really really weird. Though I have flashback, but Jesus, really, seriously, if He's NOT the one, don't play a joke with me. He's really nice, so nice till he offered to help me with my assignments and sent me his assignments, so that I can have a reference. He's really sweet too... taking details of my little comments. He is really unlike Dave the loser.

Shall I give myself 3-6months? Or I shouldn't even waste my time in the first place? This is but a feeling...it'd go away right? What lies ahead? ONly you can see the big picture, LORD~ You TEll me!!~

Show me show me the way~

Show me the way, if what is going on right now will not hurt me. Jesus I want to follow your way, but how much obedience do I have in following you? What you have said 2 weeks ago, of stop looking out for love in the wrong direction. So which is the right direction? If right now in this case, it's not me whose looking out for love in the wrong direction, and yet it seems like it's love looking out for me from a wrong direction, shall I even accept?

So meaning if, the direction is not from church and of the world, then Lord I ask of you to shut this passage off~

If this is not for me Lord, let us just be friends... I want nothing more out of this and I am really afraid Lord~ In me, it seems like I have an answer but I am not 101% sure. Make me, give me Lord, a 110% sure.

Good night Lord~

Amen... (Thank you for reminding me to wait and to cultivate patience....thank you Jesus~)

Feeling low again.. ...

Lord...why this kinda feeling again Lord?

Camp is coming in about 12 days, that's 1 week plus more. Why am I still in this roller coaster mood? One minute, I can be so excited about You and camp, next minute, I ask myself, what's my purpose in the team. Why am I always running away from something when I feel I cannot make it. Can I stop running away from it. Hm.. (thank you for telling me, you will be in it with me.)

So what's with this feeling? Friendship. What are friends? Why people measure friendship and being in a community by the number of years? Oh well, I do too... telling people I've been working in the same company for 7years. Is there a connection?

Maybe I do know what is wrong, yet I'm brushing it off again. Maybe a few sector concern Jo, she has been telling me this and that, well I know she's just protecting these younglings. But has she take my feelings into consideration before? I somehow hate church, hate going to church. I don hate the church on the whole, I just hate all these people in the church. Why are they making themselves sound so "holy". What's the point of serving in church in the 1st place? Pastor said, all people come with a whole set of different reasons. Be it good of bad, but God will make the reason be in line and there will be an answer. Why am I still asking myself this Question after serving for 1 year? The thought of being a crazy person comes into mind.

If I become a crazy person, I may not be so bothered about what people think of me. I can be in my own world, and say whatever I like, because I am crazy. I do not have to bother about offending anyone for what I've said and I do not have to please anyone, just because I have to. I can laugh as I like, I can cry as I like, but... but... I don't wanna be alone.

What is this logic that friendship takes time, it takes time for people to know you. SO?? Meaning you don't know me, but that doesn't means that I can be myself. I am ME!!! I don't like acting being someone else to please people for someone I am not~~!!! Too bad if you find me too crazy. I'm sick of what people are saying.... I just want all of them to shut up for a minute! Well just a minute LOrd, because.... ... I have no idea too....

I'm craving for twistie, and some cookies, heck it that I'm coughing, and that my mon and dad will nag. I am old enough to know. So why am I still doing it? Didn't You say, that by your strips I am healed. If I am healed, I can fairly eat whatever I like, and I do not have to take any responsibilities. Why am I being so hard on myself? I just wanna finish my assignments and enjoy. Nothing wrong with that rite?

Lord, I just have to focus and do my part in serving you. I am not doing all these to please men. I am but human too, I need care, and concern, and encouragement. Maybe I'm not born to be a leader, I just want to do things that I am instructed. I'm happy with that for now. What is her problem when I say I am not confident about 'catching'? She need to change her tone. And stop being inconsiderate about asking people to throw your dirty tissue paper away. I had enough of that while working, because I am paid. Lord, do not let people over used their authority, just because you said we should submit to our leaders. That is not right!! They should learn how to throw this things away themselves and not ask people to do it for them!!! You ask me to hold things for you can, but what's wrong with you asking me to throw away your used tissue paper that looks like so much germs.... what's up???

And Lord can you tell her to Stop being so protective over the new people. They have to learn. And then You can start changing me maybe first, and teach her to also think of my feelings!!!

I want to eat my twisties now~

A healthy morning!!!

Good morning Singapore!!!

Wow...I was up at 7.20am today, after a peaceful night sleep. Vividly, I heard the sound of my mom shutting the gate. And when I looked up, it's 7.20am. Thoughts came to my mind, should I get up, change and go buy my newspapers and to enjoy it with my delicious breakfast? Or should I get up, changed and join my mom and the aunties for a walk in Portsdown?

Well...I made the second choice. So I got up, tidied my bed, refresh myself, changed and put on my comfy Adidas shoes and I headed for the stairs, 9 floors down. (I hope I can still catch up with the aunties, it's only 7.30am. I don't think they would have gone far.)

A quick and light walk across the wet grass patch, onto the running pavement, under and over the rusty fence, what's in front of me is the Malaysia train tracks. So easy easy and carefully walking over the stone ground, over the tracks and here I am at Portsdown. So over the planks that acts as a bridge covering the drain, and follow the trail of stone path way that leads up to Portsdown. I hope I can catch up with them.

The thought of waking up so early and I was actually walking and breathing in fresh air, makes me happy. Thank you Jesus~

Walking for a while later, thoughts of running came to my mind, so I ran. Maybe this is the start to my training for the upcoming 15km run. Haha...

Not far ahead, I saw them walking to the Safra country club or something, and so I walked faster to give them a surprise. Oh...no...it seems like a bunch of army kids, boys, some girls and some uncles from SAF doing warm up at the carpark, shall not see or stare and mind my own business. So the minute I stepped on the carpark grounds, I sprinted towards my mom and aunties. And they did get a surprise, especially my mom, she looks so shocked. (Priceless)

So the usual walk with them, but today we took a different route. Met Dexter the dog on the way with the tiong bahru auntie, this cute little baby who is Holland and Japanese mixed with her Japanese ah ma and the whole loads of SAF personals doing their run ( I overheard, 3 bloody rounds.) Some have given up and a small group are chatting while the steady ones are still hanging on. Sweating it.... oh gorgeous toned body...(wipe your saliver please.)

The usual... the aunties will turn into flower thieves. (采花贼）and will be plucking the flowers from this tree which gives out a very nice smell, and now I have some next to my computer desk, cheap and nature air freshener, but do beware of ants.

Ah..talking about ants, I do not know why my computer desk is infested with tiny ants which can only be found in the kitchen. Chris said they moved house. I hope they do not move into my laptop. (Though thoughts of getting a mac book air comes into mind), nah.... I still love Microsoft.

So after the run, walk and enjoying the morning sun and fresh air, it's time to walked over to the market place to get my morning news and the day shall start from there. Schedule: After breakfast, shower and start making phone calls for wine list, then assignment time, which by now I'm still typing my blog, but I have finished making the wine enquires. Lord, I wanna go to FHA, can you get me a pass, or I don't know how you are going to do it, but can I go?

Before I end, I will like to Praise the Lord for making me going for the run and get to know this auntie whose haunted by bad dreams and she has been seeing a psychiatrist. She told me she have been having bad dreams in the middle of the night, of tigers, snakes and people chasing her. I used to have all those too, and it is stress. Heard from my mom that she's the auntie who will chase people with her chopper when she's being pushed too hard, I think some kinda mental breakdown, and it scares people, even her daughter.

I dono why I actually asked her if she don't mind sharing with me why she's been visiting the psychiatrist. And she started saying about her sickness, panick attacks and nightmares. So I just merely asked her if she has a religion. She say have, so I thought it's Buddhism. But she said 基督教，so is that Christian or Catholic? Whichever lah, doesn't matters. As long we believe in Jesus Christ, that matters.

So I ask her to read her bible, any verse which speaks to her and before she sleep, just declare to Jesus that he blesses her with good sleep. At this moment, I noticed that she's covering her mouth with her hands, like in a dis belief kinda way. So I was thinking, what did I say wrong? She was like in a mode of I cannot believe that you said the same thing as my daughter. Because her daughter said somewhat the same thing to her, telling her to think of good thoughts rather then letting the dreams invade her mind. My way... Just pour it all out to Jesus and he will provide.

Anyway... I'm glad I went for the run and joined the aunties. I know He can make a difference for all circumstances through me, and that's a honour.

Differences between men and women~

Now I do agree with what my lecturer said, that men and women shops differently. In the sense that, a man knows what he wants, walks into a store or say supermarket, get what he wants and pay for it. All in all for a couple of minutes, depending on the queue. And for a woman, she will stop by at every aisle and every corner and get more than what she wants. (Maybe she may stay in the supermarket for more than an hour?)

This happens to me today. I was at Anchor point Cold storage and I was craving for a pack of chips, so I got the Calbee sour cream chips for $1.65. And then, bread comes to my mind, so I hopped over to the bread section, and got a pack of 4 hamburger buns for $1.40, before heading to the ham section for a 100grams of walnut ham for $3.65, and not forgetting Kraft's single cheese, 8 slices for $2.80. And don't forget Orange juice!! I foresee that I will crave for orange juice next morning, so I bought a pack with full of pulps and I saw a new yogurt for sales. Buy 2 and get a free muslee bar or something. So I grabbed 2... haha... so in total I spent $15.80 when in the first place, all I wanted was just a pack of chips.

Ahh.... but I am happy~!!!

Another Fire broke out!!!

Yet another fire broke out!! Not at my block, but my opposite block. Blk 55. Why do I say yet another? Because a fire broke out at the same block this year on Feb, the 15th day of chinese new year. And now, it's just april, yet it happened again.

To me, it seems that life is unpredictable. On that fateful day of the first fire, quite a number of things happened, in my life. I ended a 7 years friendship with a friend whom I suspected of stealing my money, was still talking to weird jerk then, sorta he was the one who gave me courage to confront my friend, and yes I lost it all. Anyway..life still goes on.....

Today, April 3rd, another fire occured and it came across my mind, that no fire, no weapons formed against me shall prosper. My block will be spared and no harm will come upon my household, 'cause I live here. As as Jesus is, so am I in this world. So Jesus guards my household and my block, because I live here!!! Amen~ I shall not look at the past nor shall I worry about the future, I shall live my life NOW, because Jesus is the NOW GOD. He is among us right now. That I ought to remind myself, my days will just get brighter and brighter by his grace and righteousness.

I was doing my assignment yesterday, and I just squeezed and squeezed my brain juice and somehow a line came out which I just keep thinking, my english not so powderful de le....
"Weblog is a new window for media advancement" wow....chim le. SM says this is the only kind of line you see on a powerpoint presentation. There's only one answer. It's not me, then who else? My Jesus..my inspriration of course.

I shall not ask why do I always attract the wrong people. For I shall declare that because of Jesus loving kindness and tender mercies, (grace) makes me a better person, so therefore I am attractive. And I attract anyone, though not everyone, but at least I'm attractive la. Be it of physical or inner beauty, I'm just happy being me. And walking with Jesus, just makes my days so exciting. :)

A timely sms

It's really amazing how GOD just remind me in split seconds that I am his most beloved!!! After posting the zoo outing entry, I instanously received an sms from xiaoping, my CGL that " As I was praying for you, I felt God wants you to know that HE has his hands upon your life, in fact HE has protected you from greater harm and greater hurts. HE loves you more than anyone on this earth as if you are the only person on this earth. Fear not! For your valley experience will fade away very soon, and your cheerful self will come back and infect all around you. Nature celebrates you as the morning sun rises ever so faithfully. Thank HIM for a new day filled with grace! Love you. :-)"

Wow..isn't it amazing. I will lock this moment in my heart for reminder. This joyous moment that left me smiling. It's even better than any other things. :)

It's Zoo day today!

Wow.... It's Good friday...zoo outing day today. The Lord will provide a fun fun fun filled day with good weather and fellowship!

You can see how excited I am! It's 6.25am!!! I was actually up at 5am, becase I cannot sleep 'cause I'm too excited!!! Haha.... The Lord reminds me that I should forget the past. Meaning... things that happened yesterday, last week, last month or even last year. Because it is all finished!! Whatever sins or silly mistake I've made, he has given me new manna everyday for what I need. And I am so filled with joy now for I realise that the walk with HIM is so interesting and fun. There's so much to learn and there's just so much to see. Look beyond! And not just infront. Look ahead! Amen.

There's only so much my bottle can contain, and I don't have space for worries anymore. Now I really want to, have to and will pass it all to the Lord whose hands are far far far more bigger than mine for HE is the universe. I will forgive those who have hurt me. Especially the most recent one, because I am moving on already. Because I know I am in good hands and my journey? It's going to shine brighter and brighter. By HIS grace, strength and righteousness, HE will change me even before I start knowing. And I am looking forward to that. Maybe I am transforming now.. :o.

I am just so excited~ I have the holy sprit as my guide, Jesus as my teacher and Abba my father. What more shall I ask for. Lord, you have provided me with my every needs and you will still continue and have answered all my prayers! Just have to remind me all the time. I do not need joy from the outside to fill me, but I need your joy that's from within to uphold me. Oh Abba...It's so sweet compared to the love from outside which is so unstable. I really do not want that kinda feeling anymore. I shall now... STOP....LOOK(SEE).....WAIT then decide to step out and cross anot. But even though there's heaven traffic and I've decided to step out? You will still hold my hands and lead me to the other side. Oh.... so sweet.... Thank you Jesus for ALL you've done for me. Restore back the friendship I have lost and thank you for providing more to come. :)

With all I am

I bought this CD For All You've Done by Hillsong from the Rock bookshop yesterday. I've actually wanted to get them on 22nd Feb when I was there with a friend for his birthday lunch. Rock bookshop said they didn't have the CD as at that date but they will call me asap when they have the stock. Actually I only wanted the song With All I Am. This will be the song from you-tube.




This is the song which have been keeping my mind occuppied for the past weeks and have been a reminder to me that Jesus loves me. :)

Another thing to update is that I was up at 6.40am and I received an e-mail saying that my IDP lecturer's house in south adelaide was on fire, and he lost ALL his possessions and research notes!!! He and his family survived but was left with literally just clothes he was wearing on that fateful day. The first thing that came on my mind after reading this e-mail was...Wow.... I actually don't feel sad for him but in fact I felt joy... WHY? because I have a desire not bringing my laptop to work this weekend, and now I don't have to because deadline has been extended!!! I not inhuman, but after happy for awhile, then I felt compassion for him, so? There's also nothing I can do for him what, since the course director (who sent the e-mail) said that the rest of the lecturers are helping him as much as possible at this instance. So... I just have to concentrate on my own things and not let this bother me. Anyway...It did not~

First thought: "WOW"...God knows my desire but HE is not responsible for the fire. In a way it was bad news for him as I have said, but it was a happy news for me? (I'm not sure about my classmates lah!) At least I have one less worry lor~ Hee...

I'm going to the zoo with the events team this good friday. God knows ALL my worries and desires. I just have to have faith for it. Even of little faith (size of a sesame) that I have, he still blesses. Even if I don't serve in Events ministry, he blesses me as well. Jo assured me that I do not have to feel sad for I am always not around for meeting because of my working schedule. And the sms from Lao Vic came at the right moment and he mentioned that it's fun having me around. Woo... Jo also felt hair standing on her arms. I felt not accepted but in fact the team actually loves me. i just have to make the decision to take the first step and the rest~ God will 'long zhong' (ALL) handle it all...Haha... I miss pastor mark's preaching. I'm just filled with so much joy NOW.... Thank you Jesus!!!

For this march, after this many incidents, I was so occupied suddenly after it all ended. I was not like I had nothing to do and that he was the only one I wanted or needed to hang out with. It was really amazing how God works. I just have to stand firm on my decision for He knows what's best for me. His precious little girl. I'm far more worthy and precious than a gem or a diamond. Those who thinks they can reserve me for their own good, I got to ask you to stay away or F@#* off. Yes!! I'm a believer!! Stay away if you can't see and feel God's love. I really do not wanna waste my time for such people. The Lord guards my heart and protects me from ALL harm. He is the almighty God, my savior and redeemer. He is God, my abba, the Son and the Holy spirt. Jo says I don't have to isolate myself from the world and thinks that I don't have friends 'cause I already have 3~

It's really just amazing...there's no other words that I can describe God's work. It brings joy to me and I simple love it~ I'm special and HE loves me so much for HE counts the hair on my head. HE allow trials and tribulations, but it doesn't means he don't care. I stand firm that I know Jesus will always be there for me and he will. :)

Bad day?

I need a hug too~

I think I pissed people off again, unintentionally.

Alright..how do I start? I have no idea what's wrong with my classmate which seems helpful but they are not AT ALL helpful. Lip service...hate it. IS there anything wrong with me? Or what's wrong with these people? Beginning of term...ya...everybody dono each other's 'bawu', so very nice ma, now after 2terms.... all the chow chow ah bu neh neh bawu all come out. Say helpful, helpful my ass... so I know I have nothing to offer in return for I am ..........(I'm not gonna call myself stupid or silly~)

Maybe it's a coincidence that they may not know. But all the time? And I just asked one of my study group mate for help and as usual:"Not done yet~" Fine!!! and said she'd back soon to chat with me, I expect she's not going to.... arrogant freak!!!

And am mad about e-mail thingy. So I am truely, sincerely sorry for sending e-mail to ALL for asking help for my assignments in my events team. If you people don't like it, fairly well ignore it! I guess you did, 'cause no one replied to my nonsense. Well, one hero came to ask me about my 'outburst'. What is 'outburst'? Too chim you know, I just feel like and I type and send. Really feel like dropping out of events, I just feel that I don't belong again. This stupid feeling!!! All I just want is to have friends, why complicate things? Arrgh!!!

So now I know, it's not appropriate to send such stuffs in an e-mail especially to ALL, so next time no more reply ALL, and no more REPLYING!!! Not going to do that anymore. I'm just gonna keep it simple, that's IT!!!~ I don't need people to say that I am a good girl and that I am not going to do this anymore. If you are so afraid of people ditching you, GET A LIFE!!! (Read my lips.) I think I shouldn't be so friendly anymore, anyway, no one appreciates and I just might as well go back to my mean self, since everyone thinks I am. Fine~ I live for myself not anyone.
I just hate it that people link me with someone whom I have said and explained we are just friends. SO people STOP asking me where is HE when you don't see him, call him yourself!!! I'm not his nanny~ And I don't think I will go to church with him anymore, not getting things done through him, I can fairly do it MYSELF!!! You wanna tell people I ditch you? Fine go ahead, I heck it~ I'm NOT your girlfriend, never will be...NEVER( read my lips)!!!

It's really over!!! Time to start afresh~

Yes!~ It's Over! Qoochan.... It's OVER!!! I've lost 2 friends, 1 in Feb and 1 in March. Way to go...Qoochan~ In a way, did I lose them or did they lose me? I wonder~ One of them just told me via sms that I DON'T have to sms, call or simple DO NOT HAVE TO CONTACT her anymore. Well...that's fine with me. I've made my decision and since you've said it. It's pretty fine, and I respect the decision.

For the next friend...Hm.... He simple didn's reply my sms and I told myself...that's IT~ It's really over!!! So I deleted his number and I no longer look forward to his message, in a way I save on my hp bills(good wat). If he decide not to see me or contact me anymore, It's pretty fine with me too. I heck it already la. If he decide someday or 2 months later to send me a how are you sms, shall see how lar, may or may not reply lor, since I don't have his contact list anymore.

Whatsoever~ I just want to read my novels, storybooks and finish my degree so I can leave that crap place! And maybe really save up and fly to adelaide to receive my degree? Woo...shall work towards that! For now...I really need to finish my assignment which is due when I'm back... Boy..I love been back~ to blog~ :)

Just arrive in new york~

I've landed at new york city, not manhantten,but Long Island! (Boring~) This is my 2nd new york flight in March, my previous flight is new york and my next flight is new york again. I'm not complaining but it's really tired you know. The time difference simply drains my life force away. Though after coming back to SIN, I have about a week of rest, but resting too much makes me feels lazy again, totally have no idea what I want.

The thought of changing job pops up in my mind again. But thinking about it, I still like my current job. I cannot image I have a desk bound job, I'd go crazy!!! Because I cannot be confined in a limited space for too long, I'd feel claustrophobic...yee...can't stand the thought. So office 9-5 is out. So...what can I do after my contract ends? I still have 3 more years to think about it~

I'm feeling really tired now, but I felt great because I've finished reading Sophie Kinsella, Remember Me? in 5hours. It was a happy ending once again, and it's a happily ever after.
When will I have my happy ever after LORD?~ Soon?? Not wishing though am hoping but not in a hurry~ I'm kinda scare~!!!

I want to stop relying on people

Thinking back on the 'care and concern' issue. It's not that I don't need 'Care and concern' from anyone. It's just that...I don wanna always rely on people's care, and I don't wanna make them feel without them I can't survive. Thinking back, I think I rely too much on my ex, and he did most of my things for me, for eg: call for my dog's grooming (even till now, sometimes I ask for his help, cos he knows the groomer better than I do), courier me my camera when i forgot to bring them to my friend's house, and so many more. After breaking up with him, I just have to do things on my own. There's no regret, I can't simply rely on people all the time what, unless... hmm...

I'm tired! I'm really tired~ Tired of all this thinking... tired of repeating myself like an old record, when people don't take my words as consideration, when what they say, that I ought to take in. Is it fair? What is consider fair? This world is not fair!

How I wish I can sleep all I want and when I finally decide to wake up, all my worries are gone for good. (Unless I lose my memory)I think a certain part of my memory was lost dated 3 years back, trying hard to remember, but God sometimes makes you forget things...Things that hurts... So forget also good lar....

I just want to be a strong Qoochan...healthy and rich in Vitamin C and B complex. I just want to be me. I want to change! Change for good and I'm not thinking too much~ I'm just being sensative to what people are saying that's all. If I know who I am, what I am, then I do not have to bother about people's wrong perspective of me! I just have to be ME, and stand firmly and understood that CHrist has redeemed me from all my sins and I shall not be condemned!! Hallelujah~ I just have to keep reminding and encouraging myself.... Yes!!!

I need some rest from now~

Work again after a long break

Am going back to work today after 1week of off days and a couple of standbys in Singapore.
Have not finish my assignment for D&P yet...Aargh... it will be due when I get back. So no shopping in japan and new york~ (Actually have not shopped since donno when la, I actually lost my sense of shopping.) I'm not sure what's wrong with me, maybe because I've been kinda stress with the assignments and school fees. I think I just worry myself too much. So friends I need reminders.... but don't make it in a lor soh way. Don't keep asking me: "How's your assignment coming along? Remember to finish it okay?" Hello~ I'm no 3 year old thumb sucking kiddo alright? I know you all care, but I do know when to do it and I am also very discipline as I reward myself with a game or my favourite food after I have finished my assignments. (I can't wait for anyone to do this for me, I just have to self reward myself... too bad~) When I'm relaxing, DON't ask me about how's my assignments coming along, it's kinda fustrating at times. 'Cause you may not be the only one asking me the same question. But come to think about it, ALL these people just Care? Ok...lor~

I used to tell my friends this joke about the Top 10 most frequently asked Question by people regarding me or about my job. Drums roll.....~

#1: So what are you working as?
#2: Oh...is it SIA or is that Anna?
#3: Wah...so good, so you fly around the world lor?
#4: So pay very good hoh?
#5: So you get free ticket right?
#6: So...I see you've been to the whole of japan liao lor?
#7: Coach in states very cheap hoh? (They are hinting something here...)
#8: So when's your next flight?
#9: When you coming back huh?
#10: Where are you going to next?

Yawn.... Boring.... I'm not saying my job, but please people, please spare me. It's been 6years, I've been repeating the Top 10 model answers for 6 long years~ Maybe I should count how many people ask me the Top #8-10 question. It will be kind of fun when I'm bored. Lol~

I think I'm hooked on blogging, I have no idea how long I've bottled up all my anger and thoughts. (It's been 2 years) I thought I have shared with my friends and I'd fine. But I guess It's better to pen it down here so that ALL (those who are invited) can read. And also that if in the near future when I become more forgetful, I can still come back and read more about me. :)

Re-comment on my past post.

I was reading my past posts last night, or rather early this morning around 3am plus? I shared with a friend on my blog, 'cause I really hope someone can give me some advice somewhere or sometimes some of my posting are only meant for HIM, my #1 friend, my saviour, my redeemer, the LORD who gave me a new lease of life.

After reading my entries dated 2005, I find that I'm talking like a kid, venting all my anger about work and the old man. Haha.... Kinda funny. And my friend said that I was kinda violent, cause I was so mad with my boss then, because of crappy flight, (eat grass flights), I swear or rather said I wanted to burn the office down, and hit my boss's head with the ash tray. Boy...was I violent. HAha.... That was me then....

For the NOW me, I can still be violent, but I chose not to. I choose to be someone sweet and nice. Not trying to be, but I am and will be. Angry words from an angry person is but just for that moment. If the words hurt someone, it's not gonna be good. And I really really do not wanna hurt anyone anymore. Because I do not want people to do it me too, so I shall do my duty first.

There are certain posts which I mentioned that "trials and challenges are given by GOD." I will like to disagree with my then self. Trials and challenges are NOT given by GOD. They are part of the package given by the world, or comes with this broken world. We are "IN this world, but NOT of this world." () How can GOD gives us challenges and then what?? Very weird right. Trials and challenges in life are a way to mold ourselves, to become stronger and have a clear sound mind of what is happening. These challenges that all people are going through and what I'm going through may or may not be the same, but there's always a lesson to learn at the end of it all. Be it family, relationship, finances, marriage, rebelious children...etc are all part of our lives. Had Adam and Eve not disobey GOD, eating from the tree of good and evil, though GOD warn them that they can eat from any trees in the graden of Eden, except the "fruit of the tree which is in the mist of the garden" (Genesis 3:3-5) we might not have fallen into this terrible world.

So do we point the finger at Adam? Anyway...it's all the past, so long already! But GOD is a faithful GOD, he sacrifice his Son for us mankind to redeem us from ALL our sins. "For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but the world through Him might be saved." (John 3:17) [This is what happen la, for my friends who are non-believers, now you understand?]

In this walk with GOD (my walk), there are so many testimonies to share, and I have no idea where to start. But all I can say is be it that I am alone, and someone claimed that he will be here for me with no strings attached, and that he will be here to show care and concern for me. I just wanna let you know, you don't have to, because I know that this someone who will always be here and be anywhere for me is my LORD Jesus Christ, my friend and my savior. So sorry..worldly weridous, it's not that I don't need your care and concern, but if you just treat me like a friend, you don't have to? What if someday you are attached and will you still show such care and concern for me too? That's kinda hard to answer as...no one knows the future. So I guess it's just fine if you will show your concern as a normal friend,and not overly, I might get the wrong idea you know.

It feels so good to be back to blogging, and I didn't know that I can type so much (and I complain I cannot type 1000words for my assignment, and one post here is about 500plus words. And another thing is I complain that I cannot do referencing, but I think I'm doing a good job here. :p) And to that friend who thinks that woman are fickle minded, hm.... Chris do you agree? Maybe we are, maybe some are not. So it's kinda difficult to answer too. For me? Maybe sometimes I am fickle minded, as in I cannot make up my mind, and I tend to ask people for opinion like how will they actually handle the situation, and I'd study about the situation to find the best way (which survey shows as being the most used method) to handle my situations. Hee.... I think I really think too much le. Okok...I cannot blog le, I gotta get ready to attend Mark's wedding dinner le. I hope I get to meet some cute guys? Haha.... Qoochan is back~ and it's a brand New Qoochan~ :)

Yet another wedding

Today 8th March is International Women's Day and it's also a happy day to remember for Mark and Mei Ling, because it's their wedding banquet. It was held in Grand Hyatt.

The theme of their wedding is BLACK and red, not sure if they have a name la. But it looks kind of cool and if most Chinese who are superstitious, will find that it's not appropriate. But they do have a combination of red color too. The aisle is decorated with stands of red roses, but overall ballroom seems kind of dim.

My original table should be No.15, but praise the Lord; I'm being changed to No.5 instead, with all my Gang, for Table 15 is a mixture of strangers and Meiling's relative. Blessed that I was changed to Table 5, though it was meant to be a couple table, meaning yes...I’m the #11. But it didn't matter as long I'm seated next to Meiqi and I have someone to talk to can already.

I went to set my hair at Vive's salon at paragon before heading to Mark's wedding. My hair looks bouncy, curly, and pretty and I just loved it! Meiqi says it's worth the price too...erm... not too ex la $45. (Hairdo....$45..... Made in Japan Purple Dress....$110...... My happy smile on my face....Priceless...~ ha~) < back from commercial break....quite a random one. Hee~

Kind of random, but I was being teased at for seating at a couple table, ‘cause seems like I am the single one. So what if I am the single one? I do have my desire to be attach what, just that the man has not appeared yet. It’s not that I have high expectations la; he’s just not here yet. So…friends…be it out of concern or kaypo~ness, stop teasing me. I smile and joke back doesn’t mean I can take all your jokes. I’m just hiding it.

A thought just flash-by, and I told Meiqi, maybe I scare guys away. And she told me it’s not, so I should not think too much again…Haha… “They are just not meant to be that’s all,” was her advice. Maybe I really need to learn how to slow down? So for now, I just want to concentrate on my studies and read my novels. Ya!!!

My next gang’s wedding will be in June and another in September. We are going to have loads of fun again. I really enjoyed Meiqi’s wedding, as I was the emcee, sister cum brother. And I was the head of ideas (making the brother’s life miserable.) It was really fun!! I give 5* and 2 thumbs up for her wedding for being the most joyous wedding whom all had fun! Award goes to the ever understanding Meiqi and Fan jian Soon kian. HAha…

Alright, I shall remind myself. “Qoochan~ don’t feel sad. Like Yuen says… though 3 years have passed, that means you have gone through 3 years and you are nearer to your blessing. Remember Mr Block? You prayed for him 3 years ago, and he’s blessing have come to pass… 3 years later. So... don’t be upset. Just think that you are one step nearer to your lovely blessing that God has promised. Amen.”

Though it's March 9th today, because blogger was kind of going crazy last night and I was not able to post. :(

I think I slept too much

I'm having backaches. Due to... in coma since monday. The weather had been cooling and I have the luxury to sleep all I want, so am I complaining here?
Answer: I don't know~

Kinda getting fustrated again. BeCause.... I cannot concentrate on getting my assignment done.
What's wrong with me again? The more I push my stubborn self, the more I wanna give up. I can't be giving myself excuses again and again that I'd do it later. (Sorta like a spritual warfare: Left side tell right side: "Do YOUR assignment now, and don't be lazy!" And Right side replied: "Stop pushing! Aargh... I'm giving up!")

Am I thinking too much? But what's wrong with thinking too much? I really wanna not think too much too. Someone says I think too much sometimes and some matter are small issues, and after thinking too much, I make myself suffer. In a way, he's quite true la. Jesus....I wanna walk out from here, help me not to think so much can?

I may look confident on the outside, but on the inside, I felt like I'm a Tofu. So fragile and delicate.

I just happen to have a flashback. And maybe I do scare guys away. Hmm....it's a problem. But what actually did this guys do that trigger my insanity? That's something to ponder about too. But then for now, I really wish I can don't think so much.

Let's change topic:

I'm never a book person, back in poly days, I'd make sure that I keep a clean record in my library card, i.e...no borrowing of books. You ask me to read newspaper, magazine, I still can tahan, but books? Novels? Unless they are interesting la....if not 1st page send me to dream land.

But right now, after I've decided to study again, it seems that i'm changed. Not because I'm bo bian, got to read so many research papers, but gradually, I began to love reading books again. To my record, I finished the Undomestic Goddess by Sophie Kinsella in 2 days. Amazing~

What got me back into reading was that I received $20 Times voucher during Christmas gift exchange. So I got myself For One More Day by Mitch Albom. It just got me going. And while I was still reading For One More Day, someone seemed to have left The Undomestic Goddess on the plane, and I happened to pick it up. It just occupied my mind at that time. And the thought of blogging again came back.

Just on Thursday, I bought Sophie Kinsella's latest book: Remember ME? How I wish I can finish it at one sitting, but I think it'd take me 2-3 full days? It's crazy~

Right now... I'm thinking.... main piority is to finish my assignment which is due on march 17th. But it's not going anywhere. And I'd be away from 9th-16th march. God...please send help?

Time flies~

Yes..... Time flies.
It has been 2 years since I last blogged.

Hm.... I was chatting with Chris online and she got me back into blogging.
Had been thinking of coming back here to vomit out thoughts and feelings and yet a question of who will actually read my craps?

Well...Chris does, (which she just told me) She's my #1 ONLY fan. Haha... Chris is my tanglin halt buddy, my kindergarden pal who held my helds while we were going to register in our new school, my primary school friend who shared her cardboard bed with me back in camp and pushed me away on one occasion when I was crying, because she say she will cry too if someone cried. Chris is a sweet friend who will be there to listen and be onzz in taking crazy pictures with me in the Singapore Biennale, the crazy thoughts we have in the dark room, christmas at her house which we eat on the marjong table, pumpkin crafting for post halloween... and so many more. (Tell me what I have missed out.)

These are indeed happy and joyous memories which are worth looking back and smile about. (Flashbacks)

So what brought me back here? And what have I been doing for the past 2years? IF anyone else read my entries. Haha...then not so bad, I do have a #2 fan. Maybe there is, maybe not. Wow...so much has changed, in technology wise. The blog I'm typing now actually auto saves. Amazing~

Well...for an update, I've taken out my braces and I look prettier day by day. I permed my hair last year and I look gorgeous. Haha....But I guess I'm still the same old me, but just that I've grown.... with wisdom? ;P

I have taken up a degree in Mass communication and media mangement. (If there's any....anyone at this point do come across and read my blog, do drop me a comment, cos it's kinda wweird of why am I self-introducing myself at 6.32am on a blog?) Is my degree making me too stressful and I'm not thinking right? I think...partially. And also that I have no idea how to approach and understand what's the main reasons of blogging?

2years ago, my blogs are just for me to vent my anger. Till now, I still have la. And not knowing that I do actually have 1 audience (my beloved one and only CHris), I don't care so much.
It's not that Chris read, so I cannot blog about just anything anymore. But now, I will think if I should blog about what happen to me or just share it with my friends instead, just in case, the people I blog about happen to read my entry? Though names had been changed to protect me, not the other parties....(haha), I guess it's not so nice?

Hm... what has happen to me this past 2 years? Am I behaving crazy? Or am I already crazy? This is making me crazy~ Ok...stop the crazy talk yuki! It's not good for your mind and soul. I guess I should get some sleep. Hm....and thinking I have 10 entries to submit for my assignment in creating a new blog, kinda "killing me softly.......with his blogs....~"

Blogs about craps - CAN, blogs about people i hate - CAN, blogs about life~ CAN, blog about technology and genre and issues in publication - WHAT CRAP?

Complain..... but still...I have to blog......
Blog again tommorrow or later or...... blog you as in see you? LoL.....haha,,,....