I felt I'm burnout!

For 9 years, finally I felt that I HATE my job! Why? Because the pain in my back, lying in bed all day on a weekend, and have no mood to do any other things, has left me thinking, is it time to GO?

All these months of excessive flying is draining me of my strength, made Ginger moody, left so little time spent with Eugene. When is this going to end? I still have exactly 1 more year to go from Oct.

Why do I love flying? It's not that I have a passion for it or something but the shopping in NY, the cheap buys I can get. And I just dropped my last Amsterdam flight because I can barely get out of bed with the throbbing back pain, especially the lower back.

I lie on the floor, kicked my legs and cried like a little kid. Not that I am in such pain( I have quite a high pain tolerance.) I am whining, because I just DO NOT want to get called up again in a single standby, (was called up for 3 times in a row in a month). I DO NOT want to go to work! Doing the same thing again and again, that hurts my back, hurts my lower back, left me in bed in PAIN (keyword). I simply just want OUT!

Maybe at this moment, GOD is looking down and thinking what a child I am? Eugene says he feels hurt seeing me acting like that. I am like super duper burn burn burn out! I wanted to shout on the streets, I hate the Japanese! I hate the passengers! Maybe I want to be like another Steven Slater: whom first PA-ed that he had enough of the rude passengers and opened the emergency exit, slide out with his baggage and not forgetting a can of beer. If I am pushed to THAT extreme end, maybe I might behave like that. Am looking forward to this day?

The freak out periods... The "waiting to die" periods... made me thinking, is it really time to say Sayonara? $25k is the factor that keeps me here still. What is $11k and how do I endure that last freaking 13months?

Is money all important? I truly will MISS the shopping in states. But all this will ends next year. And it's time to plan....

All these aside...

Anyway... my greatest fear of going to work has turned to "I can see the sunshine" after I was given another 4 days of MC. And sleeping in till after noooonnn, sleeping at home when it normally rains around the timing when Eugene is going to work, I am contented.

You should see the look on my face when I got the 4 days MC, and as I walked out of the clinic, I really see sunshine. There's this happy feeling that I can't explain. It's just a calm, happy, delightful feeling, or rather a relief that I will not have to "wait to die" for the next 4 days? I am one HAPPY goon!!!

I can sing! I am back! I am @#$%-ing HAPPY! Just like that! Have never "geng" MC. I did it! 4 days are no joke. I thank God, I thank the Dr Goh, who believed me and that I am almost on the breek of breaking down if I am not exempted from work for the next 4days till my flight on the 25th (which will be Pay day).

I tell myself, I want to make full use of all these days. :)

Body Protesting~

My body decided to call it quits after clocking more than 90 over hours of flight time. It's TIME to take a BREAK. I really do not wanna fall sick during my BIG day. :)

I do feel like doing some things, like sending out my invites and continue making my corsages, but yet I do not find the strength to do so.

I was also wondering whose the lucky bastard that took over my AMS flight...... hm... heard from Pau Pau, it's taken over by Japanese crew. Oh well~

Is it really worth it? Working so hard for this company who do not really actually appreciate their staffs. We are made to slog like a horse?? And finally we all fell sick. And what has the Japan side office got to say, when our sick percentage went up?

To think of it, I heard this rumor that our pay will be cut by 20-30% by end of Sept. The Japs are already briefed of something like that. And we are still kept in the dark.... till Sept comes, then they will announce?

Somehow after my body broke down, I thought to myself.... maybe I worked too hard, just like what Kimura san said. :)

I asked to take unpaid leave in Oct, and most likely it's not gonna be approve and I need to use my precious leave to cover. Nowadays, the scheduler do not save your leave for you anymore. You take leave, flight disrupted... that's it! You eat grass.

Is it worth it? Earning that much in return for a sick body?

It feels good when I get to save quite an amount in 1 month. Working for 9years.... What will be my future?

Lord, I hope that the next job that I got in, I will be able to work for so long and no hopping around. 'Cause I hate job hopping and kept going for interviews.

A new place, A new beginning... ...

A new place:

I think I have being staying in Yishun for about coming to a year. After Mummy passed and a week later I was asked to get out of the house.

A new life only began when I officially moved out of that sad place. :)

Initially, I was not used to staying here, for my sisters kept telling me things---things I ought to do myself and not be a bother to other people, and tales from friends that mother-in-laws are monsters. But Praise the Lord, like what HE says, HE will restore whatever I've lost. And HE is doing that.

Not only that my mother-in-law is not a monster, she turned out to be a rather caring lady. But in terms of size wise, of course she does not resemble my mummy at all. But all in all she is a lovely lady, that I don't mind lugging back fruits from Japan just for her because she loves fruits from Japan.

I guess anyone will be willing to do something for someone who has shown gratitude towards that someone. :)

I AM much happier here in Yishun, a new place, a new life~

A year has passed.... .... ...

A year has passed. And my mum have gone to be with the Lord. No more frustrating debates about spending quality or quantity time with her anymore. No more feelings of anger, irritating-ness. I'm just at peace now. This is a year of restful increase. Indeed it has been. :)

I'm getting married, or rather I was already married in the eyes of the law, on 25th Feb 2010. Preparations for the BIG party is on 22nd Oct 2010. And GOD has been pouring us with blessings since the day we got together. :)

All praises to the Lord!! Who has bless us with:

1. A 4-room flat which we found in 2 days. No need BIG reno.
2. COV of $38,000 paid. We don't have to fork out a single cent.
3. Furniture all blessed. Eugene's aunt is blessing us with a sofa, coffee table, an antique 18 drawer chinese cupboard.
4. And for now, God is blessing us with a personal ID. :)
   

We are thrilled that God is taking charge! Despite a little hiccups in some situation, but God made it easy for us to pass through without us fretting over it.

Thank you Jesus!!! Many thanks....

And we still miss you dearly mummy~